A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
