just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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