i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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