the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
