we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
