i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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