You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
