I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
