Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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