I love black thongs
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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