your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
