Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
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