does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
