Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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