i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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