Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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