It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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