just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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