What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
