he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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