dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
