So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
