Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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