If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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