I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
