If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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