Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
