OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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