Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
