Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
