"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize