I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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