I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
