: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
