He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
