her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
should my penis look like a turkey
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
