i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
