I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I wish you could order shots online.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
