Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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