If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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