I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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