my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
