its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
