Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
