ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
