what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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