I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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