She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
