Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
