I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
