So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
