if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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