so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
