I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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