oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
