carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
