His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
