just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
