Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize