Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
